I have always been an artist

 "You'd better do something with the artistic ability you've been given, or you'll lose it." 

I don't know how many people told me that when I was young, both friends my own age and adults. And I thought that, good gracious, I'd never let that happen! But adulthood came, with responsibilities and a child I raised myself for a while after divorcing his father. I had bills to pay and a career to nurture. I did actually use my artistic skills as an instructional designer and university professor, and eventually as a photographer, but not enough.

I even painted from time to time.... I wanted to do more, but then thought,  what would I do with more canvases? I didn't have room to hang them all, so they'd just be more to store. Silly me. I did cultivate my photographic skills and carved out a niche for myself with stock photography. But painting had to wait. I always knew I'd return to my first love, when I had time.

When the time came, I looked at the world of art with different, much older eyes. Instead of just digging in and painting for the sake of painting, I asked myself what I really wanted to accomplish. I guess I'd grown up.

I realized that I had never developed a style. Everything I drew or painted stood alone.  Who was the real me, as far as art was concerned? I'm still working on that one, but I have started collecting images of art I love and a pattern is emerging.

What did I want to paint? My years of photography and travel offer me lots of inspiration.  Over the years, I've developed a photographer's eye. I see pictures everywhere I look.  And I know I often see things in a way no one else does. If I don't capture it, no one will ever see that thing or place from my unique perspective. Ever. The same goes for art. I have a lot to say to the world. What the world looks like from my point of view.

So, I was ready to go! Paints, canvas, time!. But then I was confronted with the difficulty of portraying my vision for others to see. I am struggling with my paint. It used to do what I wanted. I often felt that someone else was even "channeling" through me, guiding my brush. But I think my muse may be coming back, slowly, as I work. But it's becoming fun, even consuming again.

I know I've lost some of my painting MOJO, but I think I can get it back. I even saw a video that proclaimed you don't have to be born an artist, that you can learn the skills, even if you don't have a talent for it. Mind

A painting from my early days

blowing concept!! I know I have talent. It's just rusty talent.  Actually, the more I experiment and delve into technique, the more I wonder what I was taught in all those high school and college art classes I took. I know I was assigned certain projects, such as still lives. I was given opportunities  like drawing from models. Did they try to teach me basic design theory, and  like many of my university students, I just didn't listen? I've learned more through the years, as I created diagrams and illustrations for manuals and video for training, and worked on the art of photography.

I am reading books,  watching videos and I am planning on signing up for an  art class at a local college in the fall. I have college certificates in technical and fine art, but I need to be around other artists and be inspired by them. 

And the tools and paints have changed !! I don't remember acrylics being so transparent. I don't remember having to deal with gloss and matte paints.   I'm ending using tools I never considered before to get what I want. So I've discovered mediums. If we had those in my youth, I never knew it. 

But I've jumped in with both feet.  I don't know where all this is taking me, but I love the battle.